Top Ten Tuesdays: Heist Films

Stealing stuff: nobody makes it look more fun than Hollywood. Though it didn't come from a heist movie, the greatest line in all of moviedom concerning crime comes from Body Heat (1981): "Any time you try a decent crime, you got fifty ways you're gonna fuck it up. If you think of twenty-five of them, then you're a genius... and you ain't no genius."

And no, to pre-empt your collective complaints, Heat (1995) isn't on the list. I've got no particular beef with Michael Mann's "opus," it just bored me.

Mild Spoilers Ahead

10. Ocean's 11 (2001)-- Ugh, let's get this one out of the way. I'm not a huge fan of this film, mostly because it's the silliest heist ever caught on camera, but I suppose I film's fans will say that that was the whole point, and despite all of its postmodern Hollywood auto-fellatio, the caper itself is very well-planned and fun to watch play out.

9. Die Hard (1988)-- Not really a heist movie, as the protagonist is trying to stop the caper from going down, but Alan Rickman's Hans Gruber is one of the best mastermind villains to grace the screen, even if he didn't get to keep all that money.

8. The Dark Knight (2008)-- I know, again, not really a heist movie, at least after the first six minutes, but the opening sequence of this film, depicting The Joker's big score, where he gets all of his fellow criminals to off each other one at a time before absconding with the loot, is more exciting and clever than anything crammed into the entire runtime of Heat.

7. The Usual Suspects (1995)-- Actually, now that I think about it, I can't even remember what they were trying to steal (was it drugs?). Nevertheless, the tight turns of the script and the legendarily exciting conclusion do much to demonstrate that often what is being stolen doesn't even matter.

6. The Killing (1956)-- Five guys plan the $2 M robbery of a horse track. This intricate quasi-procedural is the scene-for-scene demonstration of the Body Heat quote I posted above: nearly everything goes wrong, and it's up to Sterling Hayden to remain adaptive and quick on his feet to make sure they get away with the loot. Did I mention Stanley Kubrick directs?!

5. Inside Man (2006)-- When Clive Owen growls into the negotiator's telephone, "I'm going to walk out of here, under my own power, when I choose to leave, and I'll have the money with me," despite being holed up in a bank vault surrounded by SWAT teams, we realize that he's not making a prediction, but actually revealing the ending of the film, and for the rest of its runtime we only need to sit back and watch how it (brilliantly) plays out.

4. Ronin (1998)-- Robert De Niro is the only professional criminal in a crew full of traitors and wannabes. When it comes to stealing briefcases filled with anonymous macguffins, De Niro is the only schmuck with the experience to know to ask what the size of the case will be, whether or not they'll have to chop off some poor bloke's arm to get it, and even if there's anything explosive inside. These questions, we quickly find out, matter. The first of two Mamet-penned scripts to make our list.

3. Heist (2001)-- One question, which should be pretty easy to answer, is brilliantly complicated by Gene Hackman, leader of a professional burgularing team: "Where's the gold?" Mamet says if you can change everything in the last ten minutes of the film, you can buy a nice house in the suburbs. If you change everything in the last ten seconds, you can retire in Malibu. We don't find out where the gold is until the last ten seconds of this film.

2. Reservoir Dogs (1992)-- A heist with no depicted heist in it. Also, a brilliant moral: always be professional!

1. Inception (2010)-- This is probably number one because I just saw it and I'm still really excited, but nevertheless, how cool is it that instead of stealing something, they're actually planting something? And what is that something? An idea! In a dude's subconcious! Woah! Definitely the coolest macguffin even inserted into a heist film.

--Serge

PS: Honorable mention: The Ladykillers (2004)