Some New Thoughts on "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace"

Ok, so this post would've been way more relevant this past Monday, what with the re-release of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace just hitting theaters, but there was a "network outage" in my area and I was without internet for four days, so you're only just getting it now.  

The Phantom Menace is not a good movie, but its failures are fascinating to me, and there are some things it does incredibly, nay, inexplicably well.  That's why we're here to talk.

The real main character of The Phantom Menace is Darth Maul.  He is the film's namesake, after all.  He's featured front and center in all the re-release advertising.  He's also the greatest thing about the whole gorram prequel trilogy.

The whole piss-poor clarification of the conflict with Naboo is a smokescreen, and entirely forgettable: the real story is the rise of the Sith.  They're supposed to be extinct, but not only are they alive and well, they'll have completely usurped the Jedi and commandeered the republic before the events of A New Hope come about.

Every film must define its stakes.  In a way, The Phantom Menace sports some of the best stake-defining in the saga.  Who are the Sith?  They're evil -- but luckily, they're extinct.  Wait.  No they're not!

Pictured: shit getting real

It's a shame that that only takes up about twenty minutes of the film, because all of that is awesome.  It's foreboding, it's scary, it's mysterious, it's exciting.  It's also nice to see a living, breathing Jedi Order at work -- something the fans were only dreaming of before.  I happen to think that Qui-Gon's "convoluted" deal with Watto is screenwriting brilliance.  I also appreciate the things the story has to say about the moral ambiguity of politics -- even if it's just a sentiment and not an actual meditation.

But make no mistake: the rest of the film is an unclarified mess.  If this sounds like a positive review, it's only because I'm choosing not to speak ill of the dead.

But here's what I will say: does the emperor want Queen Amidala to return to Naboo or not?

*waits for response*

I rest my case.

The only real "debate" concerning this film's ultimate quality is whether or not it's only the second-worst Star Wars film in the saga (it is).

Still better than 'Twilight'

After twelve years of analysis, most of the tried-and-true complaints remain especially valid: the four-way fight in the last act is a slog, the dialogue is as awful as ever, (most of) the acting is horrible, and I don't even think that the special effects are all that impressive.

But there is one final thing I'd like to say.  It's something I've always thought, and something I'll stand by forever, now that I finally have the courage to say it.  Here's my truth... summed up for your rightful judgment:

Jar Jar is only as annoying as you want him to be.

--Serge